hey there! yea so the big brother night didnt work out..i kinda figured it wouldnt..hehe..oh well..its okie..i needed to stay home and rest ne way considering im STILL sick! grr!  i want to be better! and its not even like im really really sick where i cant do ne thing...its just a bad cold that is just annoying and wont go away! grr again! hehe...

so ne way....since the big brother night didnt work out i stayed home and me and mom bought a movie from the tv..so we watched the termanal....i was kinda confused..i think it was a good movie..but i was confused on why everything happened..like it was good but we just really didnt understand it..it must be one of those movies that u have to watch more than once to understand it..like the butterfly effect..i had to watch that more that once to fully understand it..so maybe ill watch the termanal again some other night and maybe ill fully understand it then..hehe..

yup..so thats all thats happened since the last update..besides the talk with the best friend that i have lost for now..but yea..that talk really didnt get us ne where b/c im really not ready to forgive him..it hurt so much to have to tell him that..but i cant forgive him right now..........i just cant trust him right now..........

okie...yea...good bye...love you all! xoxoxox

hey everyone! yea wow..havent updated in a long time..havent had time or just really havent felt like it..a lot has been happening lately..mostly bad..well one really big bad thing..but the rest good..

lets start with bad..

lost one of my best friends..supposedly im an evil bitch..and he appoligized for calling me that and then said the same thing plus more 2 days later..so yea..im prety mad still about that..he imd me and im talking to him now..but im not ready to forgive him so i think that its not really gonna get us ne where by talking..at this point in time i dont give a shit if hes sorry..his appoligy means nothing to me b/c i cant trust him right now...

so yea...thats the big bad thing...

been missing my dad a lot lately..but not really in a bad way..if u can understand that..like not in a way where i have one of my breakdown and just cry all night..in a way where i just want to see him..so iv just been looking at pics of him a lot lately..helps to remember the good times i guess.....i just really miss him...

things with scott have been great..hes a sweetheart..its just good to know that someone really cares for me..

nothing much else has happened lately..i suck at bowling still..what else is new? i better get better soon or i might as well not even be on the team b/c i basically just play every other game b/c i keep getting one of the 2 lowest scores..kinda sucks..w/e..

i think im hanging out with justin and ant tonight..just them 2 like a big brother night for me..that would make me really happy if it worked out that way..

okie time to go..i have nothing else to say..

love you all! xoxoxox

The only way I can get away

Is right here

On this paper

Here

Staring at this empty wall

Writing down each and every thought that haunts my mind

How can people be so unkind

So thoughtless

So selfish?

We're all so angry

Because we're all the same

Each and every day

Another home is broken

Another family torn apart

Another broken heart

Another thought of breaking down

And not going on

No hope left

Every happy thuoght has been ereased

Every day is the same

Until you are finally where you belong

Where you can finally be at peace and just let go

But until then just hold on to the little bit of hope you have left

And soon enough you will be at rest

**Just Waiting For The Day When Everything Will Be Okay**

A punch to the chest

And I'm left here breathless

With my heart bleeding

Until there's nothing left

You sit there and stare

As you watch me die

Not even one tear has come to your eye

Do you not feel?

Do you have no heart?

Or have you been the one killing me right from the start?

**I Know I Look Fine But I'm Dieing Inside**

I sit here lifeless as they open my chest

Only to find that there is nothing left

You just couldn't understand how much you took from me

Every time you told me a lie

And now you care as I lie here and die??

You should have cared before when it really mattered

Because now it's too late

And now you can't change it

You've been killing me long enough

And I just couldn't take it

So now watch as they lower me down

And I hope you get the shovel

And cover the ground

And finish what you started

There's no turning back now

I'm gone and there's nothing you can do about it

yea yea..i know..thats so stupid, gay crap..but i gotta get my feelings out somehow right..

I hate it here! I just want to get away!